Caught an interesting piece of news from Guy Kawasaki’s Twitter feed. Apparently, scientists have proved that eternal love can exist in marriages. Considering the times, I’d say that’s a rather surprising story.
Marriage and family are two of the old societal institutions that has gone a drastic during the past 60 years or so. In the old days getting married meant you stayed together for life. Some (usually older people) cry out that the the moral fiber of our societies have decayed to the point where marriage has become a meaningless institution. What used to be “happily ever after” is now “there’s a 50-50 chance you’ll be still together in 15 years”.
The new face of marriage.
Naturally, the rise in divorces isn’t due to a societal decay or a newly found lack of morals, but a change in culture. In the old days, divorce was a major faux pas and many (especially women) had no way out of loveless marriages. You could say that marriage statistics were skewed because most who wanted out of their marriages had no opportunity to do so. In effect, a movement towards a more liberal and equal society has freed men and especially women from the stigma of being an old maid or a divorcée (Sex and the City was basically built around these cultural issues). Also, women entering the workforce has meant that they are no longer dependent on men financially, so getting divorced isn’t the financial risk it once was.
Open any women’s magazine and you’ll see that articles about “finding the right one” are not about bagging a good providing husband anymore, but rather finding a man who “rocks your world”. The financial security (and lack of social stigma) women enjoy now has also changed the balance of power in dating and sex. Because of these changes in culture and society, women now have a better bargaining position when it comes to choosing a partner (especially sexual). Some have even speculated that this is one (not THE, but one) driver in why men have better wages than women: men have to up their social standing in order to attract a mate (read the comments in this Finnish blog for more).
As divorces have become more common it has had a big effect on the cultural myths and beliefs that surround marriage. The rise in prenuptial agreements is a statistical sign of this. But on the positive side, couples that manage to keep their marriage healthy are now celebrated and admired, and couples will go on second honeymoons after 20 years together etc.
What I think goes a bit counter to the change of the marriage institution, though, is the ballooning of marriage ceremonies into huge consumption orgies. Maybe it is because even though the facts speak for themselves and most marriages do not last, the myth of an eternal love is now more important than ever for couples. It is possible that our cultural myths about marriage and love haven’t adapted yet to the changes in society, or that these myths are so important to us that we believe in them even harder. Maybe that’s why people are willing to blow thousands and thousands of dollars into huge wedding ceremonies. The bigger the wedding, the happier the marriage, right?
We’ll, as stated in the news piece at the top of this post, eternal love is attainable, so you might as well try.
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